Hope Of Israel
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Mistakes and Blemishes

I am the type of person that likes to do as much as I can for myself. When my wife wants to paint the inside of our home another color, I like to do the work myself. Typically that involves working late into the evening and causing the house to be in upheaval during the entire process. When the job is done and visitors come over they usually compliment on the painting and even ask how we did it. My wife is happy and content but usually I am not. One of my character flaws is that in everything I do, I typically have an easy time finding all the mistakes that I have ever made. When it comes to painting, I can usually list the blemishes without even being in the room as I can see them in my mind. And when I am in the room, sometimes those mistakes are all that I can see. I try to not focus or dwell on them but it is a constant effort for me to avoid them.

So it is with my life. I don’t know if it is genetics, the environment in which I was raised, or something else entirely, but in everything I do I am left to struggle to see past my blemishes and see the good in what I have accomplished. Some of you may be able to relate to this but others may look at me as weird or crazy (which I will not deny), but the struggle is real. Luckily I do seem to have the ability to recognize when I am falling into this state of mind and then have the ability to choose to see past the imperfections that are right in front of me. It is not easy and it can cause me some social anxiety but I have found that I can continue to function and so I am grateful for my minds ability to reason within itself. But, throughout my life, if Satan really wants to have his way with me, all he needs to do is plant a little thought of weakness or imperfection in my head and then my own mind will do all the work to tear me down and limit my ability to work.

Why am I sharing all of this? Well, I just wrote my first book and I just published it for the world to see. Now we all know that right now that “world” consists of close friends and family and I am okay with that. If painting a room in my home can cause anxiety for me when people come over to visit, writing a book has introduced a whole new level of insecurity. Then, this last week, I was approached by someone who had read Hope of Israel: Miriam’s Journey. His comment to me was that he thoroughly enjoyed it and that he found himself smiling at times and even crying at other times as he read it. Then, on Monday I received the following in a text from someone else who had just recently finished the book; “Thank you for writing ‘Hope of Israel‘ which I finished this morning. It is a very lovely and inspiring story. It’s visuals beautiful, the hope it brings, the portrait of this loving mother and father made it well worth the time spent reading it. I hope it does well, I hope to read another book by you soon.”

My wife keeps telling me to relax and trust what people are telling me about the book and that is what I am trying to do. I will say this though, the next time I am asked to re-paint our house, I look forward to relaxing a little more when I complete the project because painting a wall is nothing compared to writing a book.